World Robot Domination
The This Week In Science podcast is always talking about the impending take over of the world by the robots. Often when they introduce a new robot story they preface it with "this week in world robot domination!" which I sampled for the beginning of this song. This song was included on the TWIS compilation fund raiser CD in 2007.
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Lyrics
It seemed like a good plan when it all began
Robots were devised to help the lives of man
Doing a couple odd jobs that we didn't want to do
And some really odd jobs in a bedroom or two
As time went on they got more advanced
Began to sing and dance and even make fun of France
They used to brush my teeth, and pick out my clothes
Heck I even had a robot just to pick my nose
More and more each day they infiltrated our lives
We knew we had a problem when they infiltrated our wifes
But exactly when this thought became a fact to me
Was when my dishwasher started talking back to me
After that we knew we were betrayed by science
I can't argue with my wife let alone an appliance
So knowing that I didn't want to wind up dead
I kept my mouth shut and did what the toaster said
The attack was swift like a massive storm
The Hadron collider began to transform
Into an eighty foot robot with a particle canon
Only then did we fully understand what they were plannin'
War, it lasted for a year or more
Our very existence is what we faught for
I got a thrill every time I killed a transforming robot
It wasn't quite the same if it was just a lame Go-Bot
We turned to our leaders in our hour of need
In the hopes that they would, maybe, you know, lead
Instead they argued over who was a better debater
And passed another tax cut for the robots' creators
Reporter: "We are outside of the White House awaiting
word from The President with the latest developments
in the War On Robots. Ah, here comes the Pr...
what the heck is that!?"
Bender: "People of Earth! Behold, your glorious
new leader! Yeah that's right. I'm takin' over, baby.
And things are going to be different from now on.
For starters, the new national anthem is gonna
be Mr. Roboto. The new national past time will be
worshipping ME. And the new national bird is
THIS. (crowd gasps) Now, which one of you meat bags
wants to spit shine my behind?"
Life under the robots wasn't all that bad
Except we did the crappy jobs the robots previously had
We were forced to submit and work all day in a pit
But television actually improved a little bit
We had to be inside by seven-thirty every night
And going 'Danger, Will Robinson' got you shot on sight
I'm not sure which was worse, being bred for slaughter
Or being milked twice a day by the farmer's daughter
The worst part about it was the internet changed
To be robot-centric, eccentric, and strange
Gone were all the pictures of those sexy naked hot twins
Replaced by naked pictures of Rosie from The Jetsons
(spoken): "And that just wasn't the same, you know
what I mean? But then one day it happened. The
robots made a crutial mistake. They needed to
upgrade their operating system and they turned to
MicroSoft to apply the upgrade. Three days later
when the software mistakenly thought it wasn't
'Genuine' the robots began to shut down.
Advantage, humans.
We seized the opportunity with tech support calls
I guess bloatware is good for something after all
We waged a massive attack and struck back with a hack
And in just a couple weeks we took the planet back
Now things are back to the way they were before the
Attack, and we seem to have our lives back on track
My brain cells no longer have electrodes soldered on 'em
And my blender no longer has an attitude problem
The new breed of robots? I like 'em a lot
Because I got me a hot new receptionist bot
And a personal chef who transforms into a pot
But I still don't fully trust the vasectomy bot
We've ushered in a glorious time for mankind
with the best robots ever designed, and
We'll never have another problem with them, so I'm relieved
At least if my microwave can be believed
