Songs

Alien Probes

The fourth time I was abducted by aliens they returned me to my room and forgot to remove one of their probes. Let's just say removing it was not something I care to do again. My psychiatrist suggested I write a song about my experiences as therapy. I played this song for the aliens. They got a kick out of it.

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Lyrics

[chorus] I got probed I got probed, aboard a UFO (UFO, UFO UFO) Probed, probed, aboard a UFO (UFO, UFO UFO) Now you thought it was just on TV and on the big screen It's worldwide, biggest problem that I've ever seen It's the intergalactic dog catcher, bug eyed Extraterrestrial master with a diminutive stature Men in black, cut up cows I got crop circles forming out behind my house 9:01, Thursday night was a real hoot I was dragged out of bed like a dead prostitute I was brought aboard ship, looked like a Ford truck Stripped down to my drawers, what a run of poor luck Big gray heads, big black eyes "Uh, what's goin' on? What's up guys?" They came at me with a mallet and a big syringe Metal prongs, big round gears They just jammed the thing into my ears (chorus) Now every night they pick me up again, just to do a Roto Rooter on my rear end, leavin' me in pain again I'm all scarred up, I'm missing teeth 911 thinks I'm a freak They shove 'em up my nose, they shove in my butt and This corkscrew device gets shoved in my belly button 3 days straight, 2 long probes Shoved in places nothing should go They drill holes in my head, and later on I always wake up back in my bed, and they're gone Why do they always pick on people from the south What do they learn by shoving a big plunger in my mouth Man, after a night of being prodded and poked I just feel like a guy who had a massive stroke I got alien troubles out back, and I don't mean The type that we can send back Is it 'cause they like my trailer park Is it 'cause they like my beauty mark Is it 'cause they like my handsome face Is it 'cause they like the way I taste Wherever I go, they find me And they just won't let me be They want me to pee, don't rush me Just relax and it'll flow free Whenever I call the Enquirer To my house so they can see You know that they all stop comin' So nobody will believe me (chorus) Hey, what's that big light in the sky? Oh, come on. Not again, guys. I just got my nose working again. Well at least let me bring my camera this time.